Happy Happy Halloween!

Another one of my thoughts

Here's another thought i wrote down when i was 15, when i was thinking about life and how short it is and how the time passed by so quickly and how i don't want to regret about whatever choice i make in life.

What will I have Left
I wonder what will happen if i pass away one day. I wonder if there will be sorrow and pain to loved ones? But for me, i'd wonder what i've done with life, and think if i was really satisfied about the way things happened. I knew what bad i did and would regret those things, but i'd regret more that i couldn't change, change the past and the wrong i did in my life. I wonder if my loved ones would think about the good or things that i've done in life, and what good i've accomplished when i'm gone.
Unexpectedly but true, i can die any time. there is always a chance and
risk of that. Oh what will i have to give away when i die? Oh what will i have to share back to my loved ones and friends? It hurts the most to think that i have to go and leave them someday, until the day of eternity comes. But this is life and this is how it will always go. Nobody can change me or make me go the right path. Everything will depend on me and me alone. By the time i am full grown, the choice is up to me. But i am so afraid to make the wrong ones, for truly
i do not wish for me or anyone else to have to suffer the consequences of my choices. My time is short, and i know there is not much time to do everything i want to on life. I don't want to feel regret when i pass away., so i'd better do my best right away. There's no choice but that for me or to suffer much more afterwards much more. I want life to be an accomplished one, a beautiful one, even though i will regret some things that i have done. Oh what will i have left? I want joy, peace, love, and happiness to share with, even though i were to pass away tomorrow. I want o live everyday as if it were my last, because thats true. Then i will have something to leave behind that is good, then i will not have to regret anymore.

My thoughts..from the past.....

Yesterday i was looking through my stuff and i found a note book that i had been writing my thoughts about when i was 14 and 15, of what i was going through and a lot of them were encouragements to me, and reminded me of what to do when going through similar things in my life right now, so i thought it would be cool to post some of them. seperately by several posts of course. the funny thing about my thoughts, its that a lot them end with the answers that i've been looking for as i wrote my thoguhts down, like i was getting prophecy through thoughts.
So anyways, heres my first one, when i was going through a bunch of things that made me very discouraged and i was at the point of despair.

In Despair
when i'm in despair, what can i do? There are many reasons why i am in despair. Recently, I lost someone, i loved so much, i was also rejected by someone too. I also had a fight with one of my friends and i feel bad i hurt her. I also had a very bad score on my math test, i also disappointed my teacher, and made so many mistakes along the way today. I feel confused and lost about what to do. I feel so sad, and i feel so lonely and i wish those things never happened. I don't know what i need to do. Oh i wonder if anyones ever felt this way, and ever thought that it was over, that there was no hope out of feeling this way? But think....(long pause) .....There is always an answer to every question even if you don't know the answer right away. And for every though there is a positive one and negative one, depending on how you take it. There is always a way out of every life's mess, or struggle, just like there is a way into them. I've had my tests and trials and moments of discouragement and despair, but i realize that i don't have to be in despair just because of all that. I know that all i have to do is seek my Lord, and trust that he'll pull me through. I know he'll show me what i need to do, and i will no longer be in despair, and i know i will not have to think i am alone or on my own again.

Subway sandwitch!

today i went to rokko island and got myself a turkey breast subway sandwitch..it was delicious! so good i had to go and get myself a creamcheese and roast chicken later on...heheh....subway is the way to go! yummy!

choco selling and rides at harborland

yesterday, i decided to go and help sell chocolates with the kids and stuff, and i was able to wear a ghost costume... the day was successful. and since there were free rides available for people who were wearing some kind of halloween costume, we were able to go on the farris wheel, mini coaster, merry go round and another machine that kind of flies around as you side on it. it was fun, and right now i tried getting the pics but that will have to wait until another post or two, cus the batteries ran out just as i was about to get them out. chao

some love poems and quotes

sweet little love song...

i really like this song so i decided to randumly post it, it's called, "If your not the one."


If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Brazilia and Karaoke

Today was restday, so i was sleeping..soon, i started dreaming about smallville, then i slowly opened my eyes cus i thought i had heard something.... patty had come to give me the surprising, Booh! or Good Morning! at around 10 in the morning, and like every restday, i've never been woken up by just one person....a little later, yurika comes in, then i fall back to sleep....then uncle josh comes in and gives me an end article about sleep...it does kind of annoy me on my restday, epescially if i haven't been able to sleep the night before and finally been able to fall asleep and am in the middle of having a nice dream about clark kent, then being woken up by like 3 or more ppl.... but in a way i do like it a lot, and i'm thankful they do that, cus for me that is one way of manifesting love..and i appreciate it, especially since i've been going through a lot lately.
anyways, after i got up, i took a shower, had some fruit, and we left for the brazilian resturant at like 12 30. it was very good, with lots of frenchfires, salad, meat, soup, and etc...although i wasn't very excited about the idea after getting carsick on the way and having an upset feeling stomach. but yeah it was worth it..... and after that, we were able to meet up with lisa and have some fun karaoke...it was pretty enjoyable, with enough drinks and lots of screaming.
so yeah, thats how my day was, basically.....i never enjoy SC meetings after my restday, but oh well..praise the lord we don't have to do them on other days of the week when i'm occupied with other stuff....

My wish for today...

I wish that there were no distance between us, and no distance between anything.

October, and already freezing!

Well....after summer it usually starts to cool of and slowly get colder, but up here it feels kind of different, or maybe it is.
September ......Achoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!...excuse me for sneezing this moment. ehem...september was very cold for me, i almost had to wear a jacket, and yes i did wear a sweater and long warm pants. But the end of september ..i had to wear a jacket....the other day i went shopping and bought a new down jacket, took all my winter clothes out and stuffed my summer clothes away, got warmer blankets, wear socks around the house, and even growing my hair and started listening to christmas and winter music...gee..and this moment i am in my warmest robe and on top of it am wrapped up in a blanket.... yes i'm already preparing myself for the winter of 2008... andyways, thats all i have to say for now...